One of the topics covered in our adoption training was the bonding and attachment process that needs to take place with an adopted baby and the adoptive parents. I never thought that a newborn would go through detachment grief, but they do. If you think about it, it makes sense. The heartbeat and voice they have been attached to for 9 months is quickly taken away from them. Everything is new and unfamiliar and it takes time for them to develop a sense of attachment to the new voices and sounds.
The attachment process with an adopted baby is very different from that of a biological baby. Through the repetition of Karl and I taking care of the baby's needs, he/she will learn that we are are the ones looking out for it. We have to develop a bond of trust; when the baby cries its needs will be met. Through lots of reading and training we have been encouraged to stick to certain routines so this bonding and attachment process can take place.
We know that everyone already loves this baby so much and we want our baby to know that love. But we do ask that for the first couple weeks/months everyone keeps their holding and cuddling of the baby to short amounts. It is best for Karl and I to be the main providers for the baby. We should be the ones feeding, changing and comforting the baby. Karl and I want you to be able to cuddle and love on our baby, as we know that it's also important for him/her to see the love of our family and friends. There will be lots of time for everyone to love on this baby but these first couple months will be important in creating the bond between us and him/her. It pains us to tell everyone they must limit the amount they hold our baby for the first months. We know you want what is best for our baby, just as we do. And through our research and training we believe this is the best course of action. This is not about Karl or I but about our sweet baby and what is best for them. Thank you all so much for your understanding and support!
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I thought I was subscribed to your blog, but evidently I've missed the last few posts and am catching up now. SO EXCITED for you two! I can only imagine the anticipation. We're praying for the three of you as you become a family; we will pray for the birth parents, as well. Can't wait to hear the details as they unfold--the birth, baby's gender, birth family's involvement...
ReplyDeleteKatie Johnson
Thanks Katie! We are so thrilled and just can't wait to meet our baby. Thank you so much for the prayers. The next week or so will be filled with lots of excitement but also some nerve-racking things as well. We appreciate the prayers :)
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